Perfection is a sad and lonely place: A study of existential vulnerability in the life stories of persons struggling with perfectionism

Abstract

Under what life conditions do individuals turn to perfectionistic striving and ideals as a solution? The present paper examines how people with perfectionism narrate their relationship to our shared existential vulnerability; that we are vulnerable as human beings, and that the ways we relate to this vulnerability have consequences for psychological health. In the present qualitative study, we explored the life narratives told by nine students with perfectionism, drawing on semi-structured life-story interviews. We conducted an explorative-reflexive thematic analysis and identified five themes: 1) Outside—Feeling Alienated, 2) Relating to Chaos, 3) Trying to Control the Painful and Uncontrollable, 4) Islands of Just Being and Positive Contact, and 5) Heading Toward a Balance Between Doing and Being. Their perfectionism can be seen as a way of handling existential vulnerability at a point in their lives where relational resources needed to stay firm in a vulnerable state are lacking. Perfectionistic themes influence their personal identity in the domain of narrative constructions, values, belongingness, and embodiment. Accomplishments were dominant themes in the plots of their narrative self-constructions and values. They felt their “self-made” identities kept others at a distance. However, we also found strivings for a more fulfilling life with broader self-definitions.